If I Were Completely Honest in Dating Profiles

It is no secret among my friends that I have both a Plenty of Fish and an OkCupid profile. There is no shame in this nor do I feel the need to defend it but I will say I have learned quite a bit about myself through the process of online dating and this includes what I am willing to share with the public world. The thing that cracks me up the most is that in the so called real world of dating, the in person type...you only know the tidbits about a person to start with (Assuming you didn't saunter up to them in a bar or coffee shop based on first sight). You might know where they work, how they look, maybe a friend hooked you up with someone and told that person a few little chosen facts they find important about you but then you date and you see their eyes light up as they speak of their favorite movie, or tv show. You feel a connection when you realize you both love dry martinis or bad kung fu movies, you connect...or on the flip side disconnect because that's reality and sometimes you sit across a stranger on a date and are underwhelmed but you learned about that person face to face... in the world outside of the digital confinements we aren't fit into neat little "About you" boxes. I know that I personally never put in anything on any site (even the wonderful world of  face book though I know I often over share on  face book...its a safer place than dating sites) that isn't a slightly better version of who I am...that isn't well thought out or calculated. Now I am not saying that people don't put their best face forward on the first few dates no matter how they got them nor am I saying we aren't the better version of ourselves upon meeting people but I am saying that in order to hook someone online you sometimes need a specific type of profile. For example I learned the less I wrote, the more pictures I featured the more responses I got...if I got too lengthy in my about me section and had 3 pics no one took the bait. Could just be me...I will never know for sure but it seemed a bit strange to me regardless of why it happened.
So this is me being honest here. To those who know me personally you know I am not cool...while simultaneously being pretty fucking awesome but you also see more than just my glamour selfie shots that I carefully took, you see the pics of me from Halloween covered in blood, you see me making terrible expressions with my best friends, you see pictures of things I find exciting in my every day world which have included but aren't limited to, lady bugs, dead snakes, and random flowers. And in person you hear my terrible jokes, my crazy laughter, have seen a few of my little fandoms blossom and know that I have never quite found a way to control my hair.
I will never be completely truthful in my dating profiles...not totally dishonest but I will never show who I really am right at first because that's an honor reserved for those willing to take the time to get to know me as a person but for the sake of this I am going to put out in the world what I would say if I was going to be completely myself and honest in a dating profile. Completely. Totally. Me. So those who in theory message me about my eyes, my hair, my so-called creative personality would also know a few not so pretty things about myself too. In theory. I can't quite put this out there because frankly its about to get long winded...which is a personality trait of mine most of you know and to those who don't...you should know. This is also for all of those face book friends I have who may not know much about me either...

in no order

1. I cry easy. I fucking cry so so easy. Example...I watched Kill Bill Vol 2 the other night...tears...all down my face...no joke. Cried. I would blame hormones but I have been this kind of girl since I was a kid. Its weird but it happens. I've learned to suppress it
2. I hate it when people say they like all music but...but Country or Rap or whatever. No. I will not tolerate people who qualify that statement. You cannot convince me it is okay to hate any genre of music ever because its all so connected and blended and I am about to rant here so I won't but DO NOT SAY THIS TO ME.
3. I love spiders. Fact. IF you smoosh them in front of me I will not like it. Catch and release unless you know with all certainty that that spider is deadly
4. I am loud...I am a bit obnoxious but it happens
5. I will defend flag burning, but not book burning. 
6. I am a liberal and agnostic but I don't expect or desire every one else to be.
7. I am stubborn as a mule in my opinions and views but if you approach me nicely and logically I will hear you out on issues and sometimes my opinions can be changed. I don't like admitting any of that.
8. Arrogant/smug atheists piss me off. Not due to not believing in God because I don't care about that but because I don't like when any one thinks they're right when there is no guaranteed way of knowing. Science nor Religion have all the answers and I find that beautiful as oppose to scary. I don't like when people close their minds off regardless of faith or lack there of. I am aware that a bit of this sounds close minded on my part but its why I said Arrogant/smug atheists and not just atheists. I don't tolerate arrogance in general.
9. I believe in a God...but he isn't necessarily a he, or an it or anything more than the energy in us and around us...the universe...the force...whatever...but I call it God.
10. I have dated two people that had they knocked me up I wouldn't have carried it to term...that tells you a lot more about my dating history than I care to admit but its true.
11. If you want me to completely freak out lock me in a small room
12. I am a typical American woman...I have a lot of random body issues. I have overcome a lot of them but some still sneak up and cause insecurities that I hate more than the body part causing them. I have a tummy that is close to a gut, it has little white stretch marks on it from when I gained weight really fast at one point...I have fair skin so stretch marks are a bit more obvious. I have thighs that only recently have I decided I didn't hate...don't like them, we will never be friends but I don't hate them. And you will never convince me that I have a good butt. I don't. I really don't like it.
13. HOWEVER I do love my boobs after many years of not, I really love them...they're kind of pretty and I like my feet when my toe nails are painted. I like my legs, not so much my ankles but eh. But I have good calves for a chubby girl. And I love my face. Yup. I love my face which to me is more important than my body.
14. I legitimately like long walks on the beach
15. I do not like pina coladas or getting caught in the rain though. yuck to both.
16. I hate rats to the point of being scared of them...not pet rats but wild rats. fuck no.
17. I talk too much...oh so so much.
18. you will never win the Superman vs Batman debate with me if you choose Superman. give up now because even if you want to point out the atrocity that was Batman and Robin (And I am well aware of that its a valid low point of Batman...Superman 3...just sayin.)
19. I have currently had a crush on Jimmy Fallon for more years than not...and I have two posters with him...they aren't hanging up, at one point in my life they were but they aren't. This is to say I have long running celebrity crushes. Its not insane or even open but its there. I will see a movie if certain actors are in it. it happens...
20. I want things too much. When I think I want something I invest way too much into getting it, including finding myself delusional about outcomes. This is true with a variety of things in my life. I just find myself too invested sometimes in things that are probably not that big of a deal.
21. Music and movie snobbery...snobbery of any art for that manner is a huge huge turn off. I like a lot of things some I admit I wish everyone loved as much as me and some I know can be silly of me to be in love with but I can't stand when people feel like their taste in things is above any others for any reason. You don't know why some song strikes a chord in someone you don't know why an artist moves someone the way they do if you don't like it that's fine but don't act superior for it.
22. All I want is someone who can make me smile, laugh and puts up with my shit. Someone who is willing to be a partner in crime, a friend as well as a lover. Someone who is nice. Someone with things in common but not too many. That's it. Simple. I would prefer if he didn't creep me out as well.

The end. The honest to god long winded truth of it all.