SO time to admit some things that are pretty obvious to anyone who has known me for a while, at my absolute fattest, (largest, heaviest, biggest...fuck it I was fat) I was a size 18 a very tight snug 18 almost size 20 on a 5'5 frame with about 200lbs in extra Seanna chub. I had a very round face and was rather unhealthy. I am emphasizing the word UNHEALTHY. I am not going to fat shame myself or say that my weight at that moment in my life defined me but it was unhealthy and brought on by unhealthy thoughts and situations. When I got out of those mindsets and situations I dropped down to my smallest (smaller then I was in high school a feat I have not accomplished since 2010) I got down to a size 8. Single digit. I had a visible collarbone, a kicky short hair cut to show my not so round face off, I had (still do) killer legs and holy crap my boobs got small. I was still a curvy broad with lots of extra squeezable parts but I was much healthier. I would have done me. I loved it. I have since basically stayed somewhere around a size 10-14 up and down depending on the clothes but its been consistent. I no longer find myself speeding toward the 200lb range again and I feel healthier now days then back then. Why is this being brought up? I have no regrets for my body changing back and forth I am content with how I look now, I don't really think about the way I use to look because off all the things that went on at that time my weight wasn't really the main issue. But I bring this up because my entire life I have been a chubby girl. I remember my mom telling me (to I guess motivate me to remain healthy) when I lost my weight I had an hourglass figure, she knew how much I loved the vintage pin up girls from the 30s through the 60s. You know, girls with tits, hips and maybe a soft belly. Mostly I loved them because they were insanely cute, flirtatious and I have a serious love for those clothes. BUT being told I had a similiar figure made me happy. People have a thing for those ladies and why not? They are adorable.
I am not a girl who goes to the gym to get that muscle definition, I am always going to be soft, I am not the girl who does marathons, or enjoys work outs and protein shakes. I am not a waif who can come off delicate or pixie like, I am a chunk mostly. I have to wear a bra damn it. I admit I would love to be the tiny delicate girl with barely there boobs and a long frame made for modeling, they are interesting to look at and maybe due to my frame/figure I am just curious about clothes shopping in that body. But I'm not that girl.
I am who I am.
One of my biggest pet peeves though is that in the current society as we chubby, fatties, big girls, plus sized ladies, make progress to prove we are indeed gorgeous, indeed sexy, do care for our health, do work hard to be pretty and prove we have worth among our thin and fit sisters, we also find the weird battle cry that "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES" well...all bodies have curvature, even men's bodies...but it means real women have something in their bras to hold up, they have hips for child bearing, they have that hour glass shape or they have asses,....curves. I actually find that insanely annoying to think that that's what constructs a woman. A woman's body doesn't define her and that's what that statement seems to say. I get that we are tired of body shaming those who don't have the perfect model/actress bodies, that we don't all look like startlets and sex kittens but to body shame those girls who were born thin, to tell those ladies they look like 12 year old boys, or they look unhealthy or anorexic...that's no better than them calling you a fat ass. No better at all. The implication is they aren't a real woman because they don't fit a certain shape. It's wrong. Why are we shaming them? Are we turning tables to make ourselves look better? Why can't we all just admit women do not all fit the same molds. Some of us are short, tall, fat, curvy, thin, some of us work out, some of us are cool with our soft middles, some of us buy boobs, or pushup bras which are cheaper than implants, some of us have flat weird asses (Me, that's me, I hate my butt), but we are women. We should not be defined by our dress size, ever. We should embrace who we are, whoever we are, we should not define what it is to be a woman based on how we decide to define ourselves.
-Seanna
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