Music

I am not a musician. I can barely sing, I barely understand basic music theory (the kind they teach you in your first ever music class, chances are it was in elementary school and you learn what the means and basic terminology). I attempted to learn the guitar in high school and I was in choir off and on from the time I was 12 until I was 18 but I never really found passion in it. I loved being on stage I loved the post performance rush and all the build up leading up to a performance. I found similar passion in theater but never enough to drive me far enough to truly pursue any of it. It wasn't until recently that I realized I get the same giddy feelings in my stomach, same excitement same energy levels that I got before a school play or recital as I do before I go to a concert I am stoked on. Major difference is when I go to a show I don't also have that weird mixture of nausea and the lack of an appetite (well some shows I have had that feeling but when you're about to come face to face with someone you have a wild crush on its hard not to feel sickly green and that your brain cells have seeped out of your head but that's another thing entirely)  also another major difference is now I am sometimes paying good hard earned money for those feelings. I could go into how my concert experiences are a lot like a drug addiction but I feel like that is too obvious.

I love live music. I live for it. I want to surround myself by talented people with beautiful raw souls who get on that stage with the intention of rocking your world. In those few precious hours I have spent in front of a stage watching a drummer sweat, a guitarist thrash or a lead singer give you her heart I have found my personal peace. Peace within the confinements of a bar or venue so loud I can't hear my own thoughts. I find that moment where I don't think about my bills or the guy who broke up with me or all the bullshit that seems to surround you as you become an adult. I don't think about anything really. Some people do yoga and meditate to clear their brains, some people go to therapists to talk out their troubles, hell some people write songs  and sure I do some of those things myself but nothing makes me as happy as being in a crowd, getting sweaty, singing along and screaming and clapping until I am literally in pain sometimes. Nothing gives me the same joy as being outside a venue and discussing with my best friend the possibilities of meeting a musician we admire. Nothing makes me happier than seeing a band with humble beginnings get a bigger and bigger audience with each show they perform and the egotistical self serving part of me loves that sometimes I can turn people onto a band I love which makes me extra happy, that I somehow am responsible for creating a new fan. I love sharing these experiences with others.

I have been in large auditoriums, I have been in cramped bars, I have seen bands no one outside of my circle of people know of and bands everyone knows. I have felt myself wanting to cry when seeing a rock star I have admired in person, I have cried when hearing songs live for various reasons.  I have temporarily lost my hearing, my voice and my sanity.

Music is my life. It doesn't mean I play anything, doesn't mean I possess any talent but I can say in all honesty it is my life.

EDIT: This was written in August 2013 and published according to the above date. I didn't alter it from its original form except for this message but my thoughs and feelings remain the same.